Hello CJs,

Bullying is an interesting phenomena. As we pass recipes and traditions down from one generation to another, we also pass our forms of communication and relating. It is what we do. It has become an even greater dilemma as we now have technology to help with the way we can taunt, tease, hurt, and gossip. It now goes viral in a matter of moments and that includes our youngest members of society too. Our children model our behaviors and our language. They also find new and creative ways to engage in an age old habit and manner of speaking.

Technology has also helped us to bring this problem to the awareness of many. This is good news and bad news. For it has only gotten worse with its exposure and its detrimental effects on so many.

We come into this world for the most part as basically loving and sensitive beings who have been desensitized throughout our upbringing and adult lives by blocking those feelings that are painful and yet we unconsciously play those feelings out in our behavior and actions in our families, workplaces and social arenas. Thank you technology for making it public.

However, we can now use technology in a very positive way. We can stop the generational passing on of these actions and behaviors that are hurtful and considered “bullying” by just becoming aware of how important it is to raise a new generation of children whose communication and relational actions are positive, loving, and sensitive to the fact that it is never okay to speak in voices that hurt and destroy the human spirit.

Thank you for joining me and helping me to start a movement that believes, “We Are The Voices We Hear!”

Please comment and join me in this movement. I so need your help. Please pass this on to whomever you think would appreciate or need this blog.

Karen

Hello CJs,

I promised a story and so here it goes. Quite a few years ago, I was doing my CJ emotional intelligence program at an after school program. There was a young 3rd grade girl, do not remember here name, who was being bullied every day in the playground during lunch. She had complained to her teacher. That hadn’t worked. The principal was told and attempted to put an end to it. But the boys were clever and it became a he said, she said. She complained at home but that didn’t work for her either. Her parents were too busy working and trying to stay ahead of the game. When I was teaching her CJ’s way of stopping bullying, she asked if it would work on the bullies out in the playground. Well, honestly, back then, I was hopeful. I was also hopeful that she would try it and see if it worked. At first, she was very reluctant, but with encouragement and the real desire to stop it, she decided to be so courageous and give it a try.

Now she really needed courage for this one. My belief is that attacking your bully is not the answer. Ignoring it, does not stop it. But blasting it with positive energy and putting the onus back on them, well I know it worked so far and was hoping this instance would be no different. What she had to do is wait for those 5 mean boys to show their ugliness. And of course they did. She was to say to them, “Can I have a happy thought, please?”

Yes, that is the phrase all right! She was courageous and she did it. So what happened. Well, the first time she did it, they just laughed at her and continued to bully her and she just kept saying it. They eventually walked away. Then day 2, right on schedule, they arrived in her little corner of the playground. They started taunting and she said the same one sentence, “Can I have a happy thought, please?” This time 3 stayed but 2 walked away just shaking their heads. She was encouraged!

Day 3 and this time only 4 showed up. She was making progress. They began their usual nasty remarks. Now,
what did she say? Yup, “Can I have a happy thought,please?” Well, one walked away and the three left just looked at her but they did become quiet. She was quite excited as she related this to me.

Day 4….only 2 showed up and began their taunting and guess what she said, yes, “Can I have a happy thought, please?” Well, they stopped and she felt good.

Day 5…lo and behold….the bullies were gone and she felt like a million bucks and she and I had a good cry together and she saw that she was powerful enough to stop the bullies herself.

This is a true story and one that I tell at every workshop I do especially with the kids. It has helped and given many children the words they need to confront a bully. Let’s stop the bullies in elementary school. This is not as easy in middle school. However, I have used it and there are children using it.

My little friend felt many things and I helped to put those feelings to words with CJ’s affirmations. I said that she needed to say to herself, positive self talk…so important…I am powerful, I am courageous, I am smart, I am persistent, and the best one of all…I am lovable. This is a great way to self soothe when you are upset..will share that another time.

So CJs out there…give it a try..the next time you are bullied, “Can I have a happy thought, please?”, and let me know what happens!!

Let’s stop bullying, one emotionally intelligent child at a time! Karen

Hello Everyone,

I thought I would share with you some interesting statistics on how often bullying happens in our schools:

* More than 160,000 children stay home from school each day from fear of being bullied. And these are only the ones that tell their parents that they are being bullied.

* 77% of students are bullied mentally, verbally and physically

* Playground statistics (my worst nightmare as a child) Every 7 minutes a child is bullied.

* Bullying is the most common form of violence.

I thought these were amazing statistics and worth sharing. I also would like to give children a way to stop being bullied. My next blog will relate a true story and what unusual method works. CJ at work!!!

Have a good night and write to me!!! Karen