Hello Friends,
If you are a follower of Dancing With The Stars, you would have seen Candance B. having anxiety about doing live TV. She was filmed meeting with a sports counselor who gave her tips on how to overcome this problem.

Lo and Behold…the suggestions were to do deep breathing and to begin positive self-talk with also saying affirmations about your abilities. “I am confident when performing on live TV.” The repetition of this affirmation and others changes your energy.

Here is a fun thing to try with your children and friends that proves this phenomenon. Hold your arm out and repeat a positive affirmation a few times and have someone try and get your arm down. You will hold strong and they will not be able to get your arm down. Then say a negative statement a few times and with your arm out once again, you will not be able to hold strong. Yes, this is how an emotionally intelligent child or adult can learn to self-soothe and calm down. It is easy and that is just what Candace said. The proof was in the pudding last night.

Hello friends,

What does self-control, Emotional Intelligence and Bullies have in common. Emotional self-control(one of the seven attributes of EI) is a very interesting necessity in being successful in school/business/relationships. When we are out of control, it doesn’t always mean that we are angry or raging. It means that we are making choices that do not serve our well being that create inner/outer chaos. It can be yelling at traffic, excess of anything, addictive behaviors, over extension of activities, etc.

But lack of self-control begins in childhood. How we learn to self-soothe and calm ourselves down when we are confronted with negative situations as children extends into adulthood only the issues are more extensive and have rippling effects.

Bullies learn about lack of self-control at home and from their peers. They model what they see and experience. They then go out and do the same to others to make them feel better. Yes, this is how bullies self-soothe and displace their own feelings of inadequacy. We can learn to self-soothe so easily. Positive self-talk or affirmations do self-soothe and calm. Sounds so easy and yet it has eluded us forever.

Stay tuned tomorrow for more on this topic.

Karen

Hello CJs
Where were you were when Columbine happened? I was working in a local high school. There were students who did not respond with the emotional maturity of teenagers raised with compassion/empathy. We had bomb threats/gun threats/teacher threats.
Dateline, this past Sunday, aired the story of a student who survived the violence perpetrated upon Columbine. He is still suffering emotional ramifications. He decided to visit other high schools having experienced this violence hoping for healing and support.

This violence is still occurring 15 years later. Bullied children are still turning to violence to express their hurt and vengeance. Gun control? Is it enough? Or is there more we have to do?

Hello CJs,

Time to take an inventory of your parenting.
1. Does your child say kind things to you, his siblings and his peers?
2. Does your child have a positive attitude about himself and others?
3. Is he a willing helper when asked?
4. Can your child calm himself down when upset or does he spiral?
5. Does saying he is sorry come easily? Does he accept apologies from others?
6. When playing, he is fair, willing to compromise/share?
7. Is saying thank you happening when being helped or given a gift?

Sooooo…how did your children do? Or better yet, how are you doing?
Share your feelings, please!

Karen

Hello CJs,

Statistics tell us that most bullying is not reported. Children will not tell their parents/teachers/friends. They do not want their parents going to school. They do not want to be singled out by their teachers. They have too much shame to tell their friends.
Parents ask the right questions. Was everyone nice to you today? Did you feel happy at school today? Teachers be on the look out. Don’t wait for it to come to you. Schools are in the dark because most bullying happens without notice. Seventy-five percent is not reported. Teachers, you know who those bullies are! Let’s make those bullies accountable!

Please share your comments!

Hello CJs,
We think that we are born with certain abilities and we are! Abilities have to be developed. We are given the capacity to learn through our left brain/natural intelligence. However, we also have to be exposed to the information. We are given the ability to think/create new ideas through our right brain yet these skills must be learned. We are not born with EI. We are given the emotional centers of the brain in which to learn these attributes. The seven EI skills are acquired through parenting and social experiences.

And so we have bullies because this is what they learned and experienced.

Please feel free to comment, Karen

Hello CJs,
It is time to do your own personal inventory.. it is still a journey I travel each and every day!
1. Are you empathetic, sharing kind messages with family, friends/strangers?
2. Is your inner dialogue and conversation positive and motivating?
3. Can you delay gratification/control impulses?
4. Are you able to regulate your moods and self-soothe?
5. Can you keep distress from shutting you down..ability to forgive?
6. Do you have hopes, dreams/goals and compromise/modify when needed.
7. Can you persist in the face of frustration? Focus on what you have (gratefulness)
So, how did you do?

Hello CJs,

We bully people who are different from us because they make us feel uncomfortable. Our comfortableness is present in sameness and commonalities.
In doing a pilot program with the Voices of CJ in several preschools, I created a way to overcome this. Each week the children had a new buddy. They had to spend that week with their buddy sharing different activities that helped them to feel comfortable with each other. An interesting thing happened. When a bully was paired with one of his targets, within a week, they were buddies and the bullying ceased between the two. Yes, it works.

An article appeared in the Huffington Post today suggested nine ways to increase our happiness on a daily basis. Seven of the nine were CJ voices/ actions that promote emotional intelligence.
1. An act of kindness (helpfulness, service)
2. Schedule Fun (to hope and dream)
3. Flow…distractions such as projects where you lose yourself (motivating oneself )
4. Eating Healthy (regulating one’s moods/hungry kids & people are not nice.)
5. Call a friend (empathize/share)
6. Express Gratitude (persist in the face of frustration) Switching our focus to what we are grateful for at trying times.
And this is the way to end bullying, yes????
Karen

Hello CJs!
It is not unusual for children who were bullied to become bullies. We learn from our parents/our peers how to relate to one another. Those who do not become bullies internalize the bully voices. They often bully themselves with those negative voices. The results play out in their lives. They hurt themselves instead of others.
We can stop these bully voices. Stop, take a breath and ask yourself or the bully a CJ question, “Can I have a happy thought, please? or if you prefer “Can I have a higher thought, please? Stop those voices in their tracks. It does work! It sounds so silly. Have you got a better idea? Remember, We Are The Voices We Hear!

My bullying blog was silent for several months when my son lost his battle with melanoma in October. Many have shared with me that I helped make his dreams come true. He led a full life as a person with disabilities. He was not only my Creator of Joy(CJ) but also all who knew him. He leaves a legacy rich in kindness, gentleness, compassion, unconditional love, humor and joy. He is and will be sorely missed now and for always. a href=”http://circustime.net/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/DSCN01591-e1388877598576.jpg”>
By sharing my blog (www.howwestopbullying.com), we can begin to make this happen.