Hello CJs

This is a very important thought to keep in your consciousness. We only learn who we are from the voices we hear. The voices we hear as children enter our psyches and determine who we become as people. Some children never hear what is good and right with them. Generations past felt it wasn’t necessary to share positive thoughts with their children. Many of us grew up wondering what was right with us and yet knowing without a doubt what was wrong.

CJ teaches children that the best gift they give anyone is a gift of love, a kind and loving voice(a compliment), since it helps shape the people we become and how we feel about ourselves on a daily basis. EI people have empathy for others sharing positive thoughts. Children learn to experience empathy in this simple way. In learning to give gifts of love to their peers no matter what, they learn to empathize and care about the feelings of another.

So all my CJs, please share your comments…see how many gifts of love you can share today!

Hello CJs,

Are children claiming to be sick because they can’t face another day of being bullied at school? All those headaches, stomach aches and aches and pains are they real or symptomatic of anxiety and stress from facing another day of dealing with a bully or plural that.

Are you as parents asking questions about the symptoms or are you taking them at face value? I know that I was never asked but that was a long time ago. It is important that parents ask these questions and delve into the possibility of your child being a victim of bullying.

Set up the scenario that your child will not be punished for faking illness if they speak the truth and share with you what is happening at school. Also, please don’t go off running to school without a plan and something your child will see as reasonable and will not cause embarrassment. For this is another fear that children have.

How do we help children self-soothe and calm those nerves. This is one of the Emotional Intelligence skills. It has an easy solution and can be accomplished quietly and in one’s own mind. Affirmations or affirming our wholeness creates positive energy gives us the ability to calm down and reduce stress. There is no clear thinking in stressful situations. We shut down or we react inappropriately. So what does an affirmation look like. It is an I message to oneself. I am lovable, I am good, I am Kind, I am courageous, I am brave, I am confident…so forth and so on until the stress is relieved.

It works by gosh…it works. Putting them up in your child’s room also helps so that they are saying them as they enter their rooms, get dressed, going to sleep.

The percentage of absences from bullying in schools today is 15%. That is just astounding. Yes, it is higher in middle and high schools. Or if 20 children are absent that day, 2 may be from bullying. And how many wanted to stay home and didn’t?

If you learn the truth, would you let your child stay home? Please comment and let me know what you would do.

Remember,” We Are The Voices We Hear!” Let’s hear and speak only good voices!

Hello CJs

This statistic was reported in bullyingstatics.org in 2010. I believe this, do you? This is outrageous and what are we doing about it? Addressing this crime of children vs. children, is tantamount in reducing crime in neighborhoods, drugs amongst teenagers, and stress in the workplace, to name a few. Actually, we would be living in a peaceful, kind and loving environment where children succeeded to the best of their abilities and parenting became the focus of the family. Our persistent need to focus lack of success in other directions is about accountability and who wants to be accountable? Is it really about test scores. All schools are focused on the end result and yet it has been shown in studies and experiments even in the last 10 years that when the focus is on students engaging respectfully in activities where they feel joy,success, and relationship that test scores rise and children reach their potential.

New York did a great experiment with ballroom dancing. It even became a movie. And we didn’t even notice all the incredible results of that experiment. The students were grades 4-8 and the reduction in bullying was significant, test scores went through the roof, and the best of all, the students learned to respect each other and work together and they were happy!

Though the experiment was not noted as Emotional Intelligence, all the behaviors taught and encouraged were exactly that. And so why isn’t every school teaching ballroom dancing? Why are they eliminating art and music? And so goes the right brain and all the nurturing and developing of it with all its ramifications of socially inappropriate children.

There is a great way to address a bully! It is builds confidence and motivates one self to reach goals and set boundaries. When someone speaks a demeaning voice to you, just simply say, “May I Have A Happy Thought, Please!” I know this sounds weird but it works. I have taught many children to say this to their bullies. It is risky and makes them vulnerable but it is safe and it answers a negative with a positive. The bullies are flummoxed and though it may not work the first round, it does work eventually. The bullied child feels empowered, confident they can take care of themselves and it motivates success. Yup, all that from one phrase!!!

Please comment! I would love to hear from you, Karen

When I was a child, bullying happened on the playground, in the classroom, at home, etc. Now it becomes public in an instant and there is no way to take it back. I was devastated by the bullying on the playground, in my classroom, and unknowingly by my parents. Yes, I suffered from low self-esteem, making bad choices, poor body images, and a inert feeling of “not good enough.” It followed me wherever I went and whoever I chose with whom to interact. All my relationships suffered.

But today, that would have been enhanced a million times over. I can not wrap my brain around this and I know that I probably would not be here today. I might have been one of those statistics of children committing bullycide. Being as sensitive as I am, it has taken many years of counseling, self-awareness workshops, reading and a method called EMDR(Eye Movement Densensitizing and Reprocessing) to save my life and to enjoy feelings of self-worth and balance.

It will take a world-wide community of conscious individuals practicing Emotional Intelligence on a daily basis to bring an end to this debilitating behavior that affects every individual some time in their life.

Let’s begin by Giving Gifts of Love…a kind message about that person..to whomever crosses your path. This creates empathy and relatedness and we are on our way.

Please comment and let me know how you are making a difference in the voices they you hear and speak.