Hello CJs

Last night we had guests for an informal barbecue. We sat talking of how they were learning ways to be more positive/techniques for relaxing/clearing their minds. We talked about positive self-talk. Once again I got to show how the simple arm test demonstrates how positive statements strengthen you/negative ones weaken you. I recounted a story of a program I did at Graterford Prison with Lifers who were very big! I picked a 7 ft man. They were all laughing wondering how little ole me was going to take this guys arm down. Took that arm right down! He looked at his fellow inmates and said, “Whatever she says, listen or you will have to deal with me! And these were the biggest bullies of all.

Thanks for joining me on my Stop Bullying Blog. Please share your comments with me.

Have a great day, Karen

Hello CJs,

Being grateful, creates an interesting Emotional Intelligence attribute. Gratefulness especially during difficult times builds the ability to persist in the face of frustration. Hard times bring out the victim mentality in all of us. Being a victim of society ills is also a grim reality. What hampers our healing/moving forward, is getting stuck in the victim role reinforcing the negative thoughts/belief systems. Bullies themselves are victims of physical/emotional abuse. We can lash out to deplete the anxiety or internalize it,hurt ourselves. Teaching our children gratefulness,even bullies,will help them deplete this anxiety in a positive/uplifting way and diminish the need to hurt others.

Thank you for reading my Stop Bullying blog. Looking forward to your comments and sharing.

Karen

Hello CJs

Yesterday I talked about service and its link to Emotional Intelligence. It is interesting. The ability to control impulses and delay gratification(one of the 7 attributes of EI) is developed by being a great helper. You build feelings of capable, responsible, dependable, flexible, kindness/goodness. When you are helping you make mistakes/have to redo things, do things you don’t like to do, be courteous,work as a team. You control your own needs to meet someone else’s. Thank yous come later or there is no thank you, just a knowing you made a difference.
So, if the right messages are given when children help, they learn these attributes, controlling impulses and delaying gratification.

Helping others especially those less fortunate, is a great equalizer for our bullies and if they are given the right feedback, they too can develop this important attribute of Emotional Intelligence.

Thank you for visiting my Stop Bullying blog. Please comment. Help me make this happen!!! Nothing else has worked. Actually, it has gotten worse!

Karen

Hello CJs

My associate and I have spent some time reading different websites on bullying. We have not seen any references to Emotional Intelligence. We have seen recommendations to parents and teachers of discussion topics and how parents can illicit information from their children to determine if their child is a victim of bullying. Yet, bullying is still alive and active in environments where adults/children learn, live and work. Programs/media awareness have not cured this societal ill that causes so much emotional pain. The old saying, “Are we treating the symptoms or the disease itself?” Is raising a generation of Emotionally Intelligent adults/children treating the disease and is it the cure?
Visit our store on Amazon. Just click on this link.
http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_ss_i_0_9/181-8936717-0235963?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=softstone%20products&sprefix=SoftStone%2Caps%2C210&rh=i%3Aaps%2Ck%3Asoftstone%20products

Please share with me your thoughts and comments on my stop bullying blog. Would love to hear from you.

Help Me Stop Bullying, Karen

Hello CJs

Today I was sitting in my garden and loving my beautiful flowers. Flowers have always had a very special meaning for me. They have always reflected back to me the many colors, shapes and sizes that we all are to each other. No one prettier than another just unique unto themselves as we are. This perspective of flowers came to me when I was attempting to figure out where I fit in and what I believed about the world around me. Even in the winter time, I love to have flowers in my home to remind me of the preciousness of life and how colorful and fragile life is. The flowers in my garden need to be nurtured and protected as do we all especially our children so they can grow up in kindness and love.

Looking forward to your comments on my stop bullying blog. It is important that we see each other as unique, different but Perfect Just the Way We Are!!!!!

Visit my Amazon Store and type in SoftStone Products. We sell T-shirts in all sizes and buttons that say just that.
I Love You , You Are Perfect Just The Way You Are

Hello CJs

This past Sunday I had a great deal for which to be grateful. It could have been a sad day. It was the unveiling of my son, Darren’s, memorial monument. I was surrounded by the love of my husband, children, family, Bancroft family, and dear friends. We celebrated his wonderful life. Then came back to our home to eat and play, Darren’s two favorite activities. The water balloons were a big hit! Thank you everyone for helping me get through these past months. They say that grief transforms you. This is so true. I experience life so much more fully with so much more compassion and acceptance. I miss him everyday but I also know that I must honor is goodness and life by helping others learn and experience their goodness and worth.

Darren and I are still quite a team as we were when he graced this earth. I know that he will help me find the ways to create emotionally safer environments for children and adults alike. He was an emotionally intelligent person with disabilities who touched so many. His legacy of kindness, strength and courage lives on. Please help me share the importance of teaching emotional intelligence to our children to help stop the bullying. This was my dream for many years. Yet, Darren taught me how to be a Creator of Joy. His take on life…liked it? Loved it!!!

Please comment and share your thoughts. Karen

Hello CJs,

Today I was having a conversation with a very dear friend about my stop bullying blog and my commitment to creating emotionally safe environments for children. As I have written before, I was bullied for many years. I spent many years in counseling. I experienced periods of time in my life when my life was run by desperateness, neediness and anxiety. My only safe environment was home alone. And I segregated myself from life a great deal. And each time I decided to risk it again, I would experience the same feelings and step back into segregated safe place of mine.

I did a process called EMDR and reprocessed all those negative belief systems and my life as I knew it changed. However, I suffered a great deal of emotional pain and that doesn’t have to happen today if we raise children to be emotionally intelligent. I am emotionally intelligent now.

My dear friend and I spoke today of my getting a second chance at life. I feel that way. But so many do not and we lose too many of our adults to unhappiness due to the negative voices that have plagued them since childhood.

Stand with me and please share my stop bullying blog with all the people you feel can help us to begin raising a new generation of children…a new generation of CJs…Creators of Joy.

Karen

Hello CJs

Today I was remembering times when I first began to write CJ. I had just learned about positive thinking and speaking. I thought I was one of the most positive people around. I was working on this. My children were young and I wanted to create a way to ask them to rethink what they were saying and to re-frame it in a positive way. I came up with, “Can I have a happy thought, please?” We would play this game in the car during our many carpooling hours. Guess who was asked that question more times than I could count in a car ride. They thought is was so much fun. I was devastated. How could this be, “Miss Positive Herself.”

My preschoolers that I was teaching this program too loved playing the Happy Thought Game. Teachers used it effectively to stop the children from picking on each other and it worked! Positive thoughts builds confidence an EI attribute.

You want to stop a bully cold just say, “Can I have a happy thought, please?” It takes courage and risk taking but oh does it build Emotional Intelligence. If you have teenagers, “Can I have a higher thought, please?” When you stop negative energy with positive energy, you get results. Maybe not the first time..but keep on doing it.

Love to hear your comments and please give the “Happy Thought Game” a try.
Karen