The #3 negative thought that most of us have is, “Can something just go right for once.” We do go through periods in our lives where things come in 3s or maybe more. Children experience this too when they are having troubles at school or with peers. They also listen carefully to our language/our reactions and model them. I learned this personally, huge lesson! Do we play victim, use victim language, for how long? Being a victim does not bring resolution. It doesn’t change the flow of energy. However, we do have a choice. An EI attribute of persisting in the face of frustration, asks us to focus on the positive, be grateful for those small moments in hard times. It so works. It teaches our children how to deal with real life in a very positive way and it helps bring answers and help.

How do you handle hard times? Do you like being a victim? Please share with me.

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Gratefully yours, Karen

Hello CJs

The 2nd negative thought we all have at some time is, “They’re better than I am.”
Are they better, or different? We all have our place in this world molded by past generations, where we were born, circumstances surrounding our birth. Yet, there is a common denominator. We are all humans born with an intelligence, emotions, feelings. We all have the capacity to choose kindness/respect. Let’s teach our children that we may be different, unique but no one is better. Let’s be emotionally intelligent each day. Watch your world then the world around us change for the better. The domino effect begins with you. Each of us has a part to play no part more important than another. #3 tomorrow.

Have you had this thought? What did you do about it? Did you change it?

Thanks for visiting my Stop Bullying Blog. Don’t forget to visit the CJ store.

My Best, Karen

Hello CJs

This weekend I was reading Huffpost GPS for the Soul. It has valuable messages. One of the articles talked about the 3 negative thoughts that we all have at some time. The first was, “I’m not___enough.” Each person can substitute their own words. Their suggestions certainly mirror the positive self-talk that builds EI. If you allow this thought to control your day, actions, feelings of worth, a downward spiral is likely. And then we have children learning to complain/feel as you do. Let’s stop the generational passing on of the I’m not enough thought. All of us are enough with different talents/capabilities/needs. Our children deserve to know this!

Below is the wikipedia definition of bullying.

Bullying is the use of force, threat, or coercion to abuse, intimidate, or aggressively impose domination over others. The behavior is often repeated and habitual.

It doesn’t sound like you do this do yourself. But we do. This is where it begins for the I’m not enough thought causes an imbalance in our emotional well being. That energy has to go somewhere.

Tomorrow the #2 thought we all have.

Thanks for visiting my Stop Bullying Blog. Share your comments and feelings with me of how that thought created unpleasantness in your life.

Talk to you soon, Karen

PS Check out our CJ store on Amazon!

Hello CJs! We will stop bullying, one Emotionally Intelligent Child at a time!!!

It’s summertime parents. A great time to work on social skills. You are spending more time with your children on vacations, the beach, days at the pool. Being with kind, helpful,grateful little beings helps. Here is a suggestion that helps promote EI skills leading to calmer more enjoyable quality time. Find ways for your children to help you. The greatest esteem builder of all times. It teaches them to delay their own needs(self-gratification) to meet the needs of their others (siblings, grandparents, and you). Appreciate their efforts. Reinforce the good feelings of kind, helpful, loving, smart. Ask them to share these feelings with positive self-talk. “I am kind.” “Yes, you are!”

Don’t forget to visit our site on Amazon. Just go to Shop for CJ Products on our menu and you will almost be there. Having CJ and the book and CD will help reinforce these skills. Though the CJ website is still under reconstruction, feel free to visit there, www.creatorofjoy.com.

Thanks for visiting my Stop Bullying Blog. Please share your comments. Let me know how your helpful little beings are doing!

Helpfully yours, Karen

Hello CJs!

Since yesterday, I have a new customer care service agent who straightened it all out. I guess they didn’t want me talking to the President when he gets back from their big seminar. Like this will stop me. I would like to think it had to do with empathy/compassion. I believe fear was a motivating factor. How sad. I titled yesterday’s post, “Systems are Bullies too!” Over the years, advocating for my son, I learned how to persist. It took so much energy dealing with bureaucratic bullies. I did succeed. It’s even harder today to get these big systems to do the right thing. I am grateful I live in US and can persist without fearing for my life. Yet, we have to do better!

Do not let these big companies bully you into acceptance. Fight the battle and get them to acknowledge their humanity. It will take more of us doing this to make changes to these broken systems.

Emotional Intelligence is built by persisting in the face of frustration and feeling the gratefulness for your stamina and courage. It made me who I am today. I am more courageous and more
willing to risk my vulnerability for it has strengthened my resolve with greater emotional rewards.

Write and tell me your successes and how you feel. Sharing your successes makes them real and helps so many in the process.

Thanks for visiting my Stop Bullying Blog.

Gratefully yours, Karen

Hello CJs,

Interesting day today. I think rules need exceptions. Companies get too big/lose their personal compassion. It takes a great deal of emotional energy to rectify mistakes that they make. No one is accountable. I was passed around to 7 different departments having to tell the same story, a painful one. They were all sorry yet they could not correct a mistake a manager at their company made nor give me a reason why she made it. Daniel Goleman, the EI guru, works with companies today to re-sensitize them. For they are bullies in a different sense yet bullies they are. Empathy/compassion is not just I’m sorry but it needs kind action. Healthcare, insurance are prime examples.

I truly felt bullied today by a big system and its computers. I am sure that you all have had this experience. Systems without empathy and compassion lack emotional intelligence. We need to start fixing this!

Thanks for visiting my Stop Bullying Blog.

Would love to hear your comments which you can now write!

Karen

Hello CJs, Well I do have an apology. In checking this page recently, I realized that there is no space to comment. I am so sorry. I worked on this all day yesterday with no result. The WordPress guru is now working on it and he is stumped. Oh, how I hope that this will be resolved to day.

Have you ever noticed that when something is bothering you, it is hard to distract yourself and think. One of the EI attributes is “Keeping Distress From Swamping the Ability to Think.” This is often the case when someone has hurt you or you have hurt someone. It could be a boss, friend, relative or just a rude person. Being able to communicate your hurt or feelings of regret or practice forgiveness is what diminishes the distress/frees up the energy for clear thinking/focus. One of the Key Characteristics for School Readiness is the capacity to communicate and admitting wrong/saying I’m sorry. How many children do you think have this characteristic? Are we teaching this to our little ones?

I believe that if we taught this skill, we would have much fewer incidents of bullying!!! All those angry feelings that bullies feel themselves would be addressed and the need to hurt others less of a need. This is a much better way to dissipate that energy that needs expression one way or another.

Children who are bullied have a difficult time with concentration and being able to stay present in school. I was one of those children. It is so much safer to go somewhere else in your mind. I missed so much and remember so little from those years. School was a challenge for me in every way. How did I get smarter once school was behind me????

Thanks for supporting my Stop Bullying Blog. Comments Soon!!!

Karen

Hello CJs

Another EI Attribute Saves the Day! This So Works even if you are the victim of bullying.

Today I was a victim of my website. Frustration and then more frustration. But I did win! I did persist in the face of frustration( one of the 7 EI attributes). I kept saying to myself. I am grateful that at my age…(1) I can see the computer screen without my glasses (2) I have all my passwords written down (3) I remembered to take a breath and not throw the computer out the window. (4) Denise was here for me to vent to. (5) I can still understand what the support people are saying (6) I work at home so no one could hear the expletives (7) I work at home so I could get my chocolate…that was the deal breaker. (8) And last but not least…I am grateful that it is time for dinner!!!!!

Thanks for visiting my Stop Bullying Blog.

Your comment are welcome and encouraged!

Karen